Can your marriage survive infidelity?

There are some straightforward rules that couples can follow to help assure that they keep their marital bond intact and avoid infidelity.

 

Can your marriage Survive Infidelity? For most people, the answer to this question is no. Each year, thousands of marriages end because one or both spouses ignore the marital creed and have an affair. Not only does infidelity affect the parties in a marriage, but it almost always affects the children of those parties. When a spouse cheats, he/she goes not only against a legal bond, but to the vast majority of people, he/she breaks a moral bond as well. While many marriages do overcome the scourge of infidelity, the road to repairing a marriage after an affair is most often a long and difficult one. Therefore, there are some straightforward rules that couples can follow to help assure that they keep their marital bond intact and avoid infidelity. Perhaps the most important thing that a spouse can do to avoid having an affair is to stay free of temptation. If you feel attracted to someone, be sure to limit or even eliminate any alone time that you and your “crush” may have. Avoid personal conversations unless they are positive ones about your (or their) family. Telling your crush happy things about your family may help to reiterate to both of you that you already have made a bond with someone to be faithful through good times and bad. If you’re attracted is a co-worker, avoid having one on one lunches, and keep all conversation focused on business. Another way that couples can avoid infidelity is by keeping the lines of communication open. Temptation most often strikes when spouses feel that their spouse is not a partner, but rather a roommate. Addressing any “issues” that you have with your spouse immediately can eliminate future arguments and hurt feelings. If you feel like you and your spouse are not connecting, initiate conversations that will spark the flame that you once had. Talking about the “good ole days” may help couples to realize just how lucky they are to be married. If you have a difficult time expressing your feelings, jot down notes. Your spouse will appreciate the effort that you are taking to renew your marriage, and it will hopefully encourage a spark in him/her. Consider planning a date that focuses on conversation that sparks fond memories and future goals. Keep in mind that this date does not have to be glamorous, and should instead be one where your relationship is the center of attention. Couples should also consider that temptation may strike even when spouses are together. Evaluate the company that you keep, asking yourselves if your friends hurt or help your marriage. Surround yourselves with friends and family members that value the sanctity of marriage. If at any time, you feel jealous that your spouse is paying too much attention to a mutual friend of the opposite sex, address those concerns immediately. Odds are that your spouse’s behavior is innocent and asking bluntly about it will help you to remain confident that he/she is being faithful. Acknowledging real or perceived advances that your spouse has displayed towards a member of the opposite sex will help you both to grow together as a couple. It will establish a bond of trust and help both spouses to learn how to better care for and nurture their relationship. If your spouse does tell you that he/she is feeling jealous, do not take offense. Instead, gently ask him/her why they suspect that, and in a loving way, assure him/her you’re in love with one person only. Should a person of the opposite sex make advances toward you, tell your spouse immediately. (Of course, this is not necessary if you and the person making the advances will never see each other again.) Ask your spouse strategies that you can take to let the person know in a firm way that you are not interested. Together, as a couple, you can set out rules that address proper and improper actions that you should both should take around members of the opposite sex. For example, a husband may ask that his wife not wear certain articles of revealing clothing while in the presence of a member of the opposite sex. Or, a wife may ask her husband to refrain from making lewd comments about other women if her husband is prone to do so. As you begin to openly discuss these issues, the bonds of trust will strengthen and your marriage will thrive. It is through this trust that you will create and share a bond that will be strong enough to withstand the temptation of infidelity.