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28 Absolute truths....... frds are important

1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 

2
.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 

3.. 
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 

4.. 
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 

5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 

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6.. 
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me. 

7.. 
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 

8.. 
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe

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9.. 
I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are                    missing. 

10... 
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes

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11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 

12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
                    

13.. 
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 

14.. 
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 

15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 



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16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! 

17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 

18
. Procrastinate Now! 

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19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 

20.. 
A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 

21.. 
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 

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22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
 

23..
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 

24
.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 

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25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 

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26 .. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 
 
27.. 
The trouble with life is there's no background music

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28.. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on. 

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! 

Life is too short and friends are too few!

 

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