Increasingly nowadays men are more willing to settle down after a while of courtship whereas it is women who are growing commitment phobic.
Figure if you are commitment phobic too?
• You are very fond of this guy but do you still avoid every situation that may lead to the discussion of your future together?
• Do you believe in living for the moment only and is future planning an alien concept for you?
• Does too much of love and attention scare you?
• Do you believe only in flings and no strings attached relationships and are serious relationships a strict no no for you?
• Do you get the jitters when you see a guy you are dating, getting emotionally too close or dependent on you?
• Are you uncomfortable in his ‘territory', i.e. his friends, family, and social group?
If your answer to most questions is in affirmative then commitment phobia has definitely spread its roots deep into your system. Reasons for this phobia could be many.
Nitasha, 27, advertising professional with a leading agency says, “Somehow I never seem to be ready for marriage. I feel it will be an obstacle for my career. I want to be successful. I don’t want to give up my career for a guy. Looking at how most of my married friends are already talking divorce makes me feel that I am happier in a no strings attached relationship. I am not lonely and yet I am a free bird.”
Rujuta, 28, a HR Manager with a known publication says, “About 5 years ago, I was very serious about this guy and he seemed keen on marriage too. Just 2 weeks before the engagement, the guy dumped me for another woman, saying that he isn’t getting the gut feel about us. Post that incident, I have become very disillusioned about relationships. Flings have become a way of life for me. It’s almost like an unconscious involuntary reflex action.”
Expert Speak
Suchitra Kaul, a psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling, explains the rise of commitment phobic women in the Indian society. She says, “Marriage most often spells adjustment and change in lifestyle of a woman. Current generation women grow up fostering dreams about a career and success, and are not willing to sacrifice everything in the name of love. She demands equal amount of adjustment and understanding from her guy, which is rare, thus starting her journey on the path of disillusionment. She keeps searching for that perfect guy who will fulfill all her needs, mental, physical and emotional, and in the process gets very demanding unconsciously and unintentionally. She keeps waiting for a better guy, keeping the guy she already has, hanging in the air.”
Whether it has been your experiences with men in the past or your focus on other priorities in life that has led to this commitment phobia, it is a state that is bound to take you the planes of loneliness at some point in life or the other.
Get ready to cure your phobia
• Think about what is it that you are looking for? Success and financial stability is great but you do need to have a loving companion to share it with.
• Get hold of the reasons of your phobia and analyze it without any prejudices. No past experience can disillusion you so much that you forget to love and trust.
• If you have a guy who professes his love towards you and you mentally connect with the person, feel comfortable in his presence, are physically compatible with him and have no major issues whatsoever then why not get ready to give this guy and yourself a chance.
• Take one step at a time. Do not set a target like marriage for yourselves. Let love take its natural course. Let your relationship grow to the level where you want to go back to your love every evening. Marriage will then automatically happen.
Remember that experiencing love and then losing it is better that not having loved at all. Grab phobia by its horns and tame your insecurities about your future. Go right in and take the plunge!
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