Blessed with a sexually over aggressive partner?

A sexually over aggressive guy could become any girl's nightmare. This could mean that he gropes you while partying or gets too huggy kissy in front of friends or is too wild for comfort in bed. If you are in a steady relationship with such a guy and are looking at a future with him then it becomes all the more important to tackle this situation with tact and intelligence.

The ‘over aggressive’ syndrome
Nikita, 25, an associate producer with a production house says, “My boyfriend often causes me embarrassment by getting too close and gropy in public. Only yesterday we went for an office party where he got too close for comfort and started deep kissing while we were dancing. Though I have been taking him as my steady guy for a year to office parties now, I still don’t desire such overt physical intimacy in public because I don’t see the need of showing my colleagues what we do in our bedroom. For god sake, I have to face them tomorrow morning again. I have spoken to him about this and he says he understands and apologizes but does the same again next time. The whole thing is just getting to me now.”

Anuradha, 28, software professional, highlights the same concern. She says, “Its not like my guy and I don’t do it enough otherwise. So why does the need to get desperate in public come, I don’t understand. It gets very embarrassing for me. Even at home while we are making out, he gets too wild for comfort. I like it nice and gentle. I can’t make love like animals. Though I love the guy and want to look at a future with him, it’s getting tough for me to cope up with all this sexual tension.”

So how does one cope up with all this physical tension and sexual over aggressiveness?
Tips to control his sexual aggression

Figure if he is a control freak
This could be more psychological than physiological. If he is insecure about you and doubts you all the time, then its not surprising that he feels the need to assert himself physically on you, to show that he is the one in the driving seat. The way to deal with it is only once- make it clear to him that you aren’t his keep and are not cool with being treated as his personal property. Don’t answer to constant queries about your whereabouts and company. Do not let him take you for a wild ride that makes him feel that you can be controlled and bullied. Check his control freakiness for your benefit.

Does he really love you?
Does he respect your feelings, opinions and beliefs? Does he really care for you? Are you just someone who fulfills his physical needs or is he your soul mate? If he is just fooling around with you then he is not worth fretting over or going through sexual tensions for. Dump him and wait for someone better.

Talk to him about your concerns openly. Don’t argue. Discuss.
Tell him that his aggressiveness in bed makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell him that for you violence, abuse or intrusive sex is a turn off. Tell him that he is getting too pushy with you in public or otherwise upsets you and that it will push you away from him. Don’t fight or accuse. Just put your concerns across logically and firmly and let him understand the trauma his aggressiveness puts you through. If he really cherishes you, he will work on his behavior and soon sexual tensions will subside.

Don’t expect magic to happen overnight. Give him time.
You have mentioned your concerns and he has made his promises. Now give him time to implement it. Remember old habits die hard so don’t expect change overnight. If he is sincerely trying to help work on his habit then stand by him.

Remember sex is an extremely intimate act that can strengthen the bond between those in love. If you are not physically compatible with your partner, then your relationship is likely to fall apart. So figure now and stick by your stance. All the best!