Just because you're in a relationship it doesn't mean that you're dead. Men will always check out other women just as women will always check out other men. The difference is that we don't sit there staring at a guy's crotch with our tongues hanging out. And we obviously disrespect men, who letch at women with pawing eyes, especially when they are in the company of their respective girlfriends. And yes! It is for sure appalling when you gradually discover that your man seems to have an eye on every other woman that passes by. The fact that he is even checking out your friends is truly disgusting.
So do women really deal with this and how?
Most women can intellectually deal with it, but they find it difficult to deal with it emotionally and it always hurts them.
Practical tips to deal with such a situation follow.
As richa, 29, a photographer, and steady with her guy for four years says, “his roving eye is a recent phenomenon and it deeply hurts me. He is the nicest man, truly wonderful, I mean I want to marry him, but when even he cant seem to prevent his eyes from flicking to women’s bodies, I end up wondering what has gone wrong with me?
Nishi, 27, an airhostess with a leading airline, has a slightly different take on the issue. She says, “I know I am attractive and intelligent and desirable, so it is not a self confidence thing for me. It’s more about being unable to understand his behaviour. It is about feeling hurtful, cheated and duped. It just leads me to disrespect and distrust him. And I know if it continues for too long then I will just take that wise hop and move on. There is always scope for better.”
So WHAT really is the RIGHT thing to do when blessed with such a guy?
Handle it or move on?
Take the botheration to talk it out with him?
Let it be and enjoy the moment?
Well honestly, your pick from any of the above would depend largely on the depth and the level of your relationship. If it’s a short- term thing, then why fret. Enjoy the moment, have fun with the bloke and move on. Let him dig other women and you dig other men. And next time go for the guy without a roving eye. But if you are the one with more deep feelings and sensitivities in the right place and more importantly are serious about this guy then you need a way out. Figure how serious are you really about him and more significantly, how serious is he about you? If the level of commitments from both sides is high, then sitting down and talking about the issue makes sense.
Get ready to handle the ‘roving eye’ syndrome
First things first- know the difference between ogling and letching
Let’s face it. All men have an eye for a pretty face and a toned body. An attractive face naturally turns eyes. So though ogling is distasteful, it still falls in the ‘ok’ circuit. But letching is completely unacceptable. If you man is ogling, learn to face it or move on. But if he’s letching, and rather often, then you have all the right in the world to turn the music on him. But hey! Be gentle.
Talk about your concerns
Tell him what bothers you and why. Ask him how he would react if you did the same. Tell him that it makes you insecure and uncomfortable. State that it makes you look like a fool in front of others. If he cares, he will understand and try to control, at least to an extent. If he doesn’t and you stay bothered, move on. The stupid bloke isn’t worth your sensitivities.
Don’t over nag
Men hate nagging. Right now he does it openly. Later his letching might take on other forms, like hitting on other women openly. So be careful about your nagging horses. Don’t let them loose. Just say it politely but firmly. The idea is just to get the point across and help the situation. Don’t get unnecessary baggage of emotions involved.
Be sure you aren’t over reacting
His roving eye could be a figment of your imagination if you are over possessive. Before you do the talking be sure you aren’t blowing an occasional turn of his head into a huge balloon of issues. This could be the blow your relationship needs. Tread carefully. Last thing you need in your relationship is foolishness in ample quantities.
Don’t fall for that tricky love line
Don’t be stupidly in love. It’s the era of being smart and alert. So when your man comes with the most likely answer that he digs other women to re-establish that what he has is the best (that is, you), don’t fall for it. DON’T even think of buying the reason because if he really loves you, he does not need to re-confirm it from outside and definitely not by letching at other women. Laugh it off and demand a smarter explanation or acceptance, at the least.
Your last resort- goose and the gander approach
This isn't one of those problems that require a long and a meaningful conversation. Simply tell your boyfriend not to be so obvious because you don't like it. You're not being silly, he is; but it's impossible to rationalize a reflex. So if his reflexes continue to act up post your talk, go for the goose and the gander approach. Next time you are in a social situation and he obviously checks out other women, mirror his behaviour. Drool a little and then when he tells you off - which he surely will - blush prettily and pretend you don't know what he's talking about. Do the darting eye thing and then smile at him lovingly as if he's just come back into focus. When he starts to make a fuss, laugh it off and say you're only joking. This will sound familiar to him and in this way the lesson should be learnt, if not in one go then in definitely two or three do’s. Meanwhile… enjoy the flirting.
Basically, just give ‘sorting out’ approach- a go. If it’s a relationship you cherish, then it’s worth a try or two. The outcome will be on front of you soon and the decision shall be yours too. So take the call, but with a smile.