HOW MUCH OF YOUR PAST SHOULD YOU REVEAL?

From promiscuousness to a serious relationship is quite a journey. But having traversed it, the question that arises now is that should you let this woman of your dreams know all about your past.

Rupa, 28, a sculptor says, “I like leaving my partners past where it belongs- in the past. It does not affect me. I have also had relationships in the past- both serious and casual so knowing that he had others before me as well isn’t disturbing as long as he is loyal to me now.”

Tanisha, 24, a Management Trainee in a multinational Bank echoes a similar feeling. She says, “My guy had numerous relationships in the past so trusting him was obviously not easy. But gradually I understood the very fact he came out clean in the open and told me all, was a move towards a long-term haul. He could have hidden his past and I would have never guessed. After he told me all, he said I was free to stay or leave, I stayed of course.”

So should you reveal or should you not?
It is quite natural for many to base their current judgments on a person’s past. However, it makes sense to layer your revelations with intelligence and smartness. These few pointers could guide you in being honest, loyal, truthful and smart at the same time.

Talk about your past love but be sensitive while you spill the beans
Countless couples break up as a result of skeletons in the closet. The problem is that most of us lack the courage to face our demons and risk our relationships. But this is a chance one must take. Talk about your past associations of the heart but talk smartly. Do not go into unnecessary intimate details but do mention names, talk about what was good and what wasn’t. Explain the issues and the reasons behind the relationship failure.

Keep your conquest count to yourself
It’s usually not a great idea to let your current girl know the tally of your conquests. Doing so will upset her and put you at risk of being on your own.

Do not get into juicy details about your past sexual experiences and joy rides
Your girl does not want to know the sexual fantasies you shared with other women or the wild times that you might have shared in bed with someone else. This will only make her feel that she is another one in your list of sexual toys.

Don’t just talk about the bad stuff
When you are revealing- reveal all. Talk about your defeats. Put your ego at rest for a bit and talk about how a woman took you for a wild ride and then dropped you. Talk about different experiences- of hurt, of cheating, of being cheated, of love, of lust. This will give your current girl the space and the sensibility to understand that while you may have a wild streak, you are also a nice man.

Convince her that you are fed up of being a playboy
You might have cheated in the past and might have even flaunted your playboy image but now that you are ready to settle down with this ‘perfect’ woman, tell her about it. Everyone makes mistake but your honesty and open-mindedness about accepting your mistakes and eagerness to change for the better is bound to impress her. Having said all this, stick to it to the last alphabet. Honesty and loyalty are doctrines that you must not destroy for your won good.

Love her genuinely and make her feel loved
True love can erase all doubts. If you are able to make her feel genuinely loved, making her forget your past, however promiscuous it may have been, should not be a tough task to achieve.

The mantra is that, she might stay, she might go but in any case she deserves to know. Happy confessing!